Building Trust: How To Get It! How To Keep It! by Hyler Bracey

Author:Hyler Bracey
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 2013-12-14T14:00:00+00:00

Be Sincere

The fourth letter in TRUST, S, stands for Sincere. To be sincere means to act without deceit or pretense. It is to be genuine and straightforward in relationships. It is to match my actions with my words.

Congruence

Another word I sometimes use to describe sincerity in a trusting relationship is congruence. To be congruent means that what goes on inside me matches what I say and do. In other words, my thoughts and feelings match my words and actions. If I am feeling grateful or relieved when a meeting I had been anxious about went well, I express that to the people I work with. If I am angry and frustrated about something, I find a caring way to communicate those feelings. If I have disagreements with others’ thoughts or plans, I express my own thoughts and am open about my disagreement in a way that does not put others down. There can be no hype or hiding in my speech if I am sincere. I have nothing to fear from scrutiny or deeper inquiry.

If I want to build a trusting relationship, I will need to be sincere and congruent consistently. If I am congruent only now and then, others cannot put their trust in my word. Furthermore, such inconsistent behavior is confusing. When my words don’t match my actions consistently, others don’t know which way to turn. Will they choose to believe my words or will they choose to believe my actions in any specific situation? They know that one must be the truth and the other not. They can never know when to believe my words. For example, I can’t verbally assert that I highly value integrity and then do things that are outside of integrity, such as cheating on an expense report, lying to workers about the company’s competition, making promises I know I can’t keep, announcing that “Quality is our top priority” and then measure people strictly based on their productivity and costs.

Another common example of a lack of sincerity often happens during a meeting. Suppose I have serious conflicting thoughts about the plans being made by the group, but pretend through silence that I agree with everyone else. Then, after the meeting, I privately express my disagreement to a few others. When my lack of congruence comes to light, people wonder when they can trust me to tell them the truth.

When people ask me, “How do you teach people to be sincere and congruent?” I confess that, of all the qualities surrounding trust, I don’t know how to teach this. Qualities like sincerity and honesty are at the core of a person’s values. They are core expressions of one’s soul. I can’t tell you how to make yourself be honest if you don’t value honesty. In fact, if your values conflict with what has preceded in this book, you won’t be able to build genuine trust with others in the long run. People will eventually find you out, as we have seen over and over in recent history.

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